My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize