having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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