We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
