Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
