I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When did angry sex become our thing?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i out mim tonsoeep
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
