I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
