Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
