So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
