Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
