it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize