i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
