You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
