I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
