Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
