First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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