Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize