On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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