well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
