Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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