he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
