Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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