does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
time to smoke my breakfast
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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