I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
