I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
