Where are you?
In a non slutty way
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
did you just send me my own nude
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
