Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
