she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
