No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
