Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
