Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
