I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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