how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
