hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
