im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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