As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize