I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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