Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
