Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
