I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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