the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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