you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
