I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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