Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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