i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
