Kiss
Puke
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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