he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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