i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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