I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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