apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
