the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize