I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
