Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
