Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
