My brain says no but my pants say off.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
