I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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