I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
