yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
