On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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