i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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