Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
