DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
