Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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