The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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