Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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