dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
