Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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