"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
