I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
