There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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