I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
