and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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