I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
