I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it because I queefed?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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