I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
