false alarm. still invincible.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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