whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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