We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
