I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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