It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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