so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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