i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
