it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
