I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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