I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize