I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
