We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
