guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
