I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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