Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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