I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
